Sex scenes are controversial in much of our society. So why write one?
Briefly, because sex is part of being human, and fiction writers write about human beings.
To satisfy hunger and thirst, breathe air, procreate the species, and defend ourselves are probably our most important biological drives. They enable us to survive. Not to write a scene in which two characters have sex may be to ignore one of the greatest biological drives in our make-up and a prime motivator in a fiction writer’s arsenal of techniques.
For some genres and sub-genres such as romance, sex scenes are expected. I don’t write romance novels, so for me, a sex scene should do one or all of the following, like any other scene:
Move the story forward
Create conflict
Reveal character
Foreshadow events
Characterization: How the Characters View Sex
When one character considers sex a bit of fun and the other thinks of it as a commitment, there’s a basis for a serious, character-driven conflict. Perhaps the reader believes the fun-lover will be a male character and the commitment character a female. In that case, by switching the characterizations, the writer will add dimension to both characters.
For example, Jack has decided it’s time to settle down, he wants a family and a stable life after years of running around and shacking up. Susan is about his age and wants nothing to do with commitments after her divorce from The Skunks, as she calls her exes. Maybe she has no confidence in her staying ability over the long term. Or she’s so attracted to Jack she’s afraid to acknowledge it to herself.
The story might open with the sex scene that sets up the conflict and then go on from there while they work through their differing expectations and desires. Depending on their characterizations, they may work it out or part company.
How It Works
This scene would accomplish all four goals at once. Look at how it works.
The scene itself: During their encounter, Jack wants to linger but Susan tries to hurry things along, and when it’s over she’s eager to leave. His feelings are hurt, and being a man who is not easily put off, her behavior challenges him to learn why she kisses and runs, as it were.
The scene fulfills the requirements because Jack’s decision to solve the puzzle of Susan moves the story forward. Their differing experiences creates a conflict between them, and reveals a fundamental difference in their characters. Finally, Jack’s decision foreshadows further encounters and conflicts while they begin to understand that their differing approaches and misunderstandings about sex reveal a fundamental similarity in their characters. (You can decide what that similarity might be.)
Sex shows some of our relationships at their deepest level or in our worst nightmares and anywhere between. Sex reveals character in novels. When, where, and with whom characters have sex tells almost everything about them. Imagine sex between two partners, and your imagination can leap to every kind of conclusion.
Reasons Not to Write a Sex Scene
In my view, there are some good reasons not to write them:
To turn on your readers
To arouse prurient interest
To sell more books
To interest publishers (It won’t work with a lot of them)
Your personal moral vision forbids it
Perhaps you promised your grandmother or your pastor or your rabbi, and it’s important to you to keep that promise. Or, you’re afraid of revealing too much intimate detail about your own experiences. Whatever your reasons for not writing sex scenes, honor them. It is not necessary for you to write too far outside your comfort zone.
Much as I believe that little about human nature is to be shunned by novelists, sex scenes in my novels will seem tame to some readers. I’ve dubbed my approach a “metaphoric” approach, in which the act is experienced metaphorically, and takes place mostly in the characters’ minds. We all know the mechanics of sex; I prefer to concentrate on the characters’ emotions and thoughts.
Comparing Genres
Other genres have different requirements and other writers have different perspectives on writing sex scenes. Which is why Jamie DeBree and I decided it would be educational and just plain fun to write a series comparing our different approaches. Sex scenes are not often discussed, and we didn’t know of any other writers who compared two different genres in their approaches to sex in fiction. Jamie, as I mentioned in the previous post, writes romantic suspense and other allied genres. On Thursday, Feb. 17, she’ll post her introduction to this series.
Mostly, we’ll write our own perspectives on this subject, except that I can’t tell the difference between erotica and pornography. Jamie can, so she’ll handle this aspect of the subject by herself. It’s the first clear definition of the two I’ve seen.
What do you think about writing sex scenes? How would you treat sex in fiction? Both Jamie and I welcome discussion.
(I’ll be offline starting Thursday, February 17, and back on February 28.)
Carol, I think if you really understand your characters on a fundamental level, sex scenes are not that difficult. Of course, I don’t do a ‘tab A/slot B’ kind of scene. I do the emotional ramifications of a physical act, so it really is all about understanding what a character is thinking.
Of course, that sounds great in practice, but in reality, the last set were like pulling teeth!!
I’m not sure this series is about the difficulty of writing sex scenes, Sarah, although some people do find them difficult. I don’t write explicit scenes, either, but as you say, sometimes getting deep enough into a character’s mind and emotions to know what s/he is thinking and feeling can be the most difficult of all.
I so appreciate the two of you diving into this subject. Jamie can attest to the fact that my sad little love scenes need Help! (Yes, that is a capital H.) My friend commented that I was writing the sex scene as if my granny were going to read it. Problem is, my granny really will be reading it. This is one area that I could use all the help I can get. I’ll be glued to my monitor for these and taking notes. No pressure…
Thank you, Heidi. I’m glad to see you here. Feel free to ask any questions you want to, and either Jamie or I will answer. And don’t worry. I won’t feel any pressure at all while I’m away from the Internet 2/17 – 2/28. Jamie will take over then!
Although I write romance novels, I do not write a sex scene if it doesn’t meet your at least three of your four goals (I’d say foreshadowing is not a primary concern of mine). As relationships are often crystallized by a sexual connection, and my books are about relationships, the sex is a way for the characters to understand their relationship and their part in it.
Sex is the most intimate way human beings relate to one another, so having your characters understand their relationships that way is a good technique!
Do you find them tough to write?
As a romance writer, sex scenes are part and parcel of my work. …and I see no problem with turning on the reader, as long as there’s plot and character development in there as well.
One concern with my scenes is that I will not write certain actions unless they are physically possible. I ran into an online discussion thread where readers complain about annoying pet phrases for the parts and physically impossible actions i.e. Love wands and clenching wombs and extra tall guys doing contortionist tricks with their petite heroines.
I am really glad you guys are doing these posts because sex scenes should be taken seriously.
Thank you, Ann! We thought writing about sex scenes as any other scene could be helpful to writers confused about them. Later on, Jamie and I will post an actual scene, so you and other readers will have examples of how different our approaches are. I don’t like cliched writing in any scene, so it seems that to write them without writing what everyone else has already written would be difficult.
Carol
I totally agree with you on the physical impossibilities, Brooklyn. That’s the sort of thing that will make me go “wha?” and pull me right out of the story. Glad you’re joining us, and I’ll look forward to more of your input as we go along here…
I agree, too. Totally unrealistic and quite possibly comic when the author doesn’t intend any comedy.
Umm…wait…clenching womb? You mean that’s NOT supposed to be possible? Oh dear, I need to see a doctor then.
Looking forward to the discussion, ladies! I have to say that every scene must move the story forward, sex scene or not, so it’s always a good idea for the author to justify its presence. It’s the level of detail, the terms used, and the length of the scene that can vary widely from one genre to the next. And what’s appropriate varies from one reader to the next, too!
Thanks, Cyndi!
You’re so right. The four criteria for a good scene apply to all scenes, although not all of them necessarily have to appear in each scene. Sex scenes that interrupt the story are as intrusive as backstory or historical explanations dumped in because the writer thinks the reader has to know the information.
Carol
Nice to meet you, Cyndi! Thanks for joining us.
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I’m on your side in this argument for I fail to understand why we as authors have to avoid a very natural process and part of most peoples every day lives. But the problem is deeply ingrained.
I know at some of my writers groups people have let slip & have expressed some very restrained views about ‘sex’ as a general topic that have left me wondering…
Other writers have expressed their discomfort at writing about sex or any part of this topic, it makes them feel physically uncomfortable.
I find this a really odd statement as I find it hard to write about violence and writing about sex for me, by comparison is a complete breeze!
It had taken me months to write a pivotal chapter where the husband strangles the wife. I got very good feed back about my ability to build tension but my critiquers wanted more, it was recommended that I ought to expand and lengthen the build up & tension to the violence, and then add in some sexual tension. This I did because i could see why it was suggested.
However what shocked me most was being asked ‘why hadn’t the husband raped the wife?’ Nothing had prepared me for this comment & it couldn’t have been further from my mind as my character was going off the rails, nothing more. I did not want my reader to hate & despise him.
So now I have to revise what I’ve written above I do not mind and I quite like writing about sex as long as it doesn’t contain violence that is non consensual or does harm!
Now maybe this is why it gets to be a knotty & difficult one to deal with…
Thanks for your comment, kayb. I’m not aware of any argument, though. At least, there’s none so far as I’m concerned. Writers feel free to write whatever they think a) works for the story and b) is within their own moral boundaries.
Carol
Kayb – I think sex is hard to write for a lot of reasons…and people who feel it doesn’t line up with their moral values (or those of their readers) should never feel pressured to write it, IMO. So no argument, we’re just discussing here.
I write far more explicit scenes than Carol (you’ll see that later), and I write violent (non-sexual) scenes as well – and I find that the more extreme the emotions are in any scene, the harder it is to get exactly as I want it. So in that respect, sex scenes are one of the hardest types of scene for me to write simply because I’m working to get the emotional tension just right between the characters. Even for writers who don’t have moral issues with showing sex on the page, it can be a source of frustration when it doesn’t come out right.
Hopefully with this series we can make writing about sex a little more comfortable for those who do wish to include it, no matter how sweet or hot their personal style runs to.
You’re not alone, Jamie! I think they’re difficult, too. To get the emotional content right while dealing with a basic urge and keep the focus on the emotion rather than the sex is really hard. I don’t know how many drafts my scenes go through. Probably why I don’t write many of them.